For the longest time, I’ve pictured the prudes who are the decision makers of the Motion Picture Association of America ratings board to be uptight, very old, very white, grandmothers who would make Carrie Nation look like Larry Flynt.
The decisions are secret, arbitrary, and according to film makers, go second by second through films often in a negotiation-type process – I’ll trade you two m#$%erf#$%ers for three c#$%su#$kers.. The problem is often that extreme violence is rated less offensive than sex, nudity, or language. That many very violent films, that I would think should be for a more mature audience gets a PG-13 rating instead of the more restrictive R.
The ratings are very important to film studios because R-rated films require an adult to attend with anyone under 16, which PG and PG-13 ratings have no such requirement. This means millions of dollars to the studios and filmmakers.
The MPAA was rightly considered ludicrous for rating last years’ Academy Award Best Picture “The King’s Speech” R for one scene when Colin Firth says the f-word numerous times to show that the character did not stutter when he cursed. It was a 30 second part, and very funny. I wouldn’t let my 7-year-old watch the scene, but I’ve heard kids in the 13-16 age range say much worse and more frequently.
The latest controversy involves a documentary; “Bully” traces the story of several kids who were mercilously bullied physically and verbally by their schoolmates. Yes, there was some bad language in it, but in light of the number of kids commit suicide as a result of bullying, this is a film that deserves a wide audience. For a few words, the MPAA said that it was more comfortable letting kids watch the Jurassic Park films, or most of the comic adaptations than a serious film that kids need to see.
The Weinstein Company (led by Harvey Weinstein who knows quite a bit about bullying himself) released the film unrated at first, but that limits the number of screens it could show on because many theaters don’t show NC-!7 or unrated films. Both sides conceded, with three f#$%s being removed and the MPAA lowered the rating from an R to a PG-13. However, the scene that has been at the forefront of the battle with the MPAA, an intense scene in the film that shows teen Alex Libby being bullied and harassed on a bus, has been left fully intact and unedited.
Despite that the MPAA ratings were the idea of late head Jack Valenti, who was a Democratic advisor for President Lyndon Baines Johnson, the ratings system is more like today’s Republican base – I want someone to tell me what to watch, but don’t stop me from my own sexual proclivities. Film critic Roger Ebert has long advocated an “A” or Adult rating for movies that shouldn’t be seen by people under 18. Such a rating would de-stigmatize many films and allow these films to be shown in the metroplexes around the country – allowing adults outside of the major metropolitan areas to see important films.
There is a need to keep inappropriate material away from young people (too bad there’s no one to keep a lot of the Hollywood crap from getting released too, but alas…). But this Draconian, secretive, subjective method now in place needs to be overhauled immediately.

We thought that the dust had settled with the Orlando Magic. Dwight Howard did not opt-out of his contract to leave and he will be with the team for the rest of this year and next. But the prima donna center is not finished stirring up problems with his team.
Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has reportedly been told by high-ranking team officials that Howard has previously asked that he be fired.
“I know he has,” Van Gundy told reporters ahead of Thursday night’s matchup with the New York Knicks. “That’s just the way it is. Again, I’ve been dealing with that all year. It’s not anything real bothersome. You go out and do your job.” Of course, the never sticking to one story Howard has denied reports that he has asked for Van Gundy’s dismissal. He again denied it Thursday.
Van Gundy’s current contract runs through the end of the season. His Magic teams have registered at least 50 wins in each of his four previous seasons and Van Gundy led Orlando to the NBA Finals in 2009.
It is of course, much easier to fire a coach than to fire highly paid players, even if the players are a bigger problem than the coach or front office. But once again, Dwight Howard is becoming the poster child for spoiled athletes. Even if he wants out of Florida, who would want a whiny, self-centered player who has yet to win a championship, no matter how talented he may be?
If I were an NBA owner or GM I wouldn’t want Dwight Howard at any price. Even free.

No one younger than me might remember classic Popeye cartoons, and his overweight pal Wimpy who was always asking “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today!” (I always wondered where he got his money, and why he never had any? He hardly looked undernourished.)
Now, we have a female Wimpy for the new Millennium. Miami area resident Christine Faith Baker, 47, was arrested after she allegedly offered sexual favors for two McDonald’s dollar-menu cheeseburgers. According to the Miami Herald, an undercover officer invited Baker into his car last weekend and started talking about sex. Baker allegedly said that her fee was two double cheeseburgers costing a grand total of $2.75. Not that you would think that she’s too cheap, Ms. Baker also allegedly asked for a $40 tip in return for her “services.”
The detective bought the burgers and drove to a vacant lot, where officers arrested Baker on charges of prostitution. There were no reports of whether the cops allowed her to eat her cheeseburgers, but I went on a ride-along with the local police and the first place we went was to McDonalds (no donut jokes please) to pick up food for a prisoner. So, I’d be willing to bet she was allowed to eat the meal once it was entered into evidence.

The Indignant Older Daughter was on spring break last week, so we were off, visiting family in Seattle and the Toronto area. I was so busy that I didn’t get a chance to blog or even let you all know I was taking time off. But I’m back – let’s catch up with a number of thoughts I’ve had for awhile:

• I know that Boston fans are rabid for the Red Sox, but there’s a reason Bobby Valentine hasn’t been a major league manager. He’s a little wacky. He was wacky on television, wacky managing in Japan, and wacky way back with the Mets.
• I hope I’m wrong, but it looks like a long summer for baseball in Chicago. The Cubs have sucked for a few years now, but the Sox were always considered in the mix for the AL Central. But with Detroit spending big money; the Indians getting better; and even the Royals spending some money; most pundits pick the White Sox for fourth or even fifth. Either could surprise, but don’t bet the mortgage money on it.
• Congratulations to Kentucky on winning the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship, but between all of the one-and-done “rent-a-players” on the squad, and sleazy John Calipari as coach, it just seems like this year’s champion should come with an asterisk. You just know that the NCAA is or soon will be investigating Calipari, and he will leave before the posse gets to town.
• Speaking of that, anybody keeping a record of which of the collegiate basketball players will be turning pro next? Expect tons of players making announcements to the press making room for the next high school seniors prohibited from entering the NBA straight out of high school.
• This weekend is The Masters – the only golf tournament that I am remotely interested in. With Tiger Woods playing better, it should be good days at Augusta, except for the annual tap dance around Augusta National allowing women members. All you have to do is look at Billy Payne, chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, a “good ole white boy to the hilt and you don’t exactly see a man ready to change (I wouldn’t be surprised if he still thinks the Earth is flat, for that matter).
• The NHL season ends this weekend, and then the best season of the year begins – the Stanley Cup playoffs. With Duncan Keith returning from suspension and perhaps Jonathan Toews from concussion injuries; if the Blackhawks play inspired defense like they did in numerous games down the stretch, we have plenty of offense. It’s going to be fun to watch.

When spokesmen including Commissioner Roger Goodell said that the NFL was taking the New Orleans bounty scandal seriously, they weren’t kidding. For the first time in my memory, a head coach of a contending team was suspended for an entire season, which is what happened to Saints’ Head Coach Sean Payton.
Payton and Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis, who had taken “full responsibility” for the practice, which they said “happened under our watch,” now will be watching on television. Payton was suspended without pay for the entire season and Loomis was suspended for the 2012 season’s first eight regular-season games. Also suspended was Saints’ assistant head coach Joe Vitt for the first six regular-season games. The team also loses on the field – forfeiting the Saints’ second-round selections in the 2012 and 2013 NFL drafts and will be fined $500,000.
The biggest penalty was reserved for former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, who had taken the same position with the St. Louis Rams. Williams was suspended “indefinitely,” meaning that Williams will sit out 2012 and then apply to the league for reinstatement at the end of the season; at which time a decision will come from the commissioner about his return.
The NFL’s report also elaborated on the size and scale of the bounties. The program involved as many as 27 players and at least one assistant coach. The program was administered Williams with knowledge of other coaches. Players regularly contributed cash to a pool, which may have topped $50,000 at its peak. (Williams is a cheap bastard, having the players put in their own money. I’d have had a miniscule amount more respect for Williams if he had put in his own money.)
The way the bounties worked was this: players were paid $1,500 for a “knockout,” when an opposing player was not able to return to the game, and $1,000 for a “cart-off,” when an opposing player had to be carried off the field. Payouts were doubled and tripled in playoff games. In some cases, particular players on the opposing team were targeted.
It is funny that on the same weekend that “The Hunger Games,” where kids are sent into a wilderness for a winner takes all, kill or be killed game for the people’s entertainment, the NFL is trying to keep its teams from doing almost the same thing. This definitely sends a message – Payton, who was one of the winningest and well regarded and well respected coaches in the league is now suspended and without his multimillion dollar salary. The message also comes to coordinators, some of whom like Williams, run little fiefdoms of their own separate from but part of the team.
As I wrote when this first came out, trying to hurt other players is barbarism, especially considering that every NFL player is one player from a career-ending injury, or even a life threatening one. Add to that the fact that approximately 50% of all NFL players will declare bankruptcy at some point in their lives, and you have to wonder what was on the coaches’ and players’ minds?

That didn’t take long – one day after signing Peyton Manning, the Denver Broncos shipped Tim Tebow to the New York Jets in return for fourth- and sixth-round draft picks in the 2012 draft, while New York gets a seventh-rounder..
So, now the Jets have not one, but two mediocre quarterbacks. Tebow joins Mark Sanchez who received a $40.5 million contract extension, with $20.5 million guaranteed, earlier this month. A lot of media people tout Sanchez as “leading” the Jets to two consecutive AFC Conference Championship Games in 2010 and 2011, but in my opinion, the Jets reached the title games through tough defense, and solid play. Yes Sanchez made some good throws when he had to, but you can’t compare him to Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Peyton or Eli Manning – the elite quarterbacks in the league.
Tebow’s Broncos made the playoffs, beating the Steelers in the first round even, but Tebow is limited at best – playing horribly for the first 3 quarters of a game and counting on the defense to keep them close enough to win at the end as Tebow takes on prevent defenses.to pull out last minute wins.
What will be interesting is “holier then Thou” Tebow in Sin City. Denver fans are rabid, but they also fall in love with their players. Plus, in the “heartland,” the religious can feel like Tebow is “one of them.” In the Big Apple, fans are notoriously tough. They may call for Tebow to play if Sanchez struggles, but if he plays like he did in Denver, the fans will be yelling some things that Tebow won’t hear anywhere near church.
Plus, in Denver, Tebow can fly under the media radar much easier than he will in New York. Look at what happened to Brady when he hit the East Coast – dating actresses and models and an child out of wedlock (not that I care).
What will the big city do to Tim Tebow?

Coming into the NFL offseason, there were certain things that we knew were going to happen, but in the past few hours, all of our expectations have been blown up….

1. First, there was the Peyton Manning derby. Once it was obvious that Manning and the Colts were no more, the biggest name free agent in recent history was “in play.” If he could play, lots of teams would be interested and they were. Washington, Miami and several others were interested, but one team that no one thought would be in the mix were the Denver Broncos. They had their starter – Tim “Holier Than Thou” Tebow was the man, despite having one of the lowest quarterback ratings in the league. But the defense kept them in games, then Tebow would engineer a late game rally. Head of football operations John Elway gave Tebow support (but very tepid during the season), but Elway must have seen the writing on the wall, reportedly getting Manning to play in Denver. What happens now to Tebow, who is reportedly all but assured of being on the cover of Madden 2013? Would Tebow like to return to the bench for 1-2 years while Manning finishes his career in Mile High? I would guess not, but now there’s a quarterback controversy in Denver that we did not expect.. Perhaps Tebow knows that the NFL will be expanding and he expects to start for the new Jerusalem franchise?
2. As soon as Former Green Bay Packer offensive coordinator Joe Philbin signed on as head coach of the Miami Dolphins, most people thought that they would be in the driver’s seat in signing talented GB backup Matt Flynn. The Fish have been plagued by less-than-stellar play at the QB position, and while Flynn remains an unknown as a starter, when he did play for Aaron Rodgers, he played well including a 400+ yard effort in the Packers’ final regular season game.
“Not so fast,” said the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks reached agreement with Flynn on a three-year deal reportedly worth up to $24 million. He visited Seattle late this week and after a brief trip to Miami, picked the Seahawks. Of course, Seahawks GM John Schneider worked in the Green Bay front office and was there when Flynn was drafted in the seventh-round out of LSU in 2008.
3. So, who will lead the Dolphins? Well, it looks like they are talking very seriously to San Francisco 49ers free agent quarterback Alex Smith The 49ers had been working to re-sign Smith, the No. 1 overall 2005 draft pick, and one would think that Smith would want to stay with San Francisco after 49ers Head Coach Jim Harbaugh rescued Smith’s career from the garbage heap. Smith responded by having his best season in 2011. But then, the 49ers did bring Manning in to work out and talk with the team, so Smith felt, naturally, betrayed. He had to look at his options. Will he be moving to Miami?
4. Then there are the teams who either got beaten to Manning or never got to speak with him. The Tennessee Titans were left in the dust without Manning and without a shot at defensive stalwart Mario Williams (who signed with Buffalo). The titans couldn’t afford Manning AND Williams, and now get neither. There are also the Kansas City Chiefs who never even got a shot and woke up this morning with Peyton Manning in their division.

So, that’s the weird world of quarterbacks in the NFL, and we still have the NFL Draft coming up in a couple of weeks wondering will the newly Payton Manning-less Colts decide on Andrew Luck or Robert Griffin III with the “loser” getting to go to Washington at the number 2 pick (from St. Louis).
Keep hold of your scorecards, you won’t be able to tell the NFL signal-callers without a scorecard.